INR 1 Rs = USD $ 100 (2050 A.D.)

 Year : 2050                                                                

                                                                           

 Place : IBM , USA   

(Two Americans talking)                                                   

                                                                           

 Currency Conversion Rate : INR 1 Rs = USD $ 100                            

                                                                           

 Alex: Hi John, you didn't come yesterday to office?                       

                                                                            

 John: Yeah, I was in Indian Embassy for stamping.                         

                                                                           

 Alex: Oh really, what happened, I heard that nowadays it has become very strict.                                                                    

                                                                           

 John: Yeah, but I managed to get it.                                      

                                                                            

 Alex: How long it took to get it stamped?                                 

                                                                           

 John: Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. Bill Gates was standing in front    of me and they played with him like anything. That's why it got delayed. I  went there at 2 AM itself and waited and returned by 4 PM .               

                                                                           

 Alex: Really? In India , it is a matter of an hour to get stamped for USA 

                                                                           

 John: Yeah, but that is because who in India will be interested in coming   to USA man, their economy has been booming.                                

                                                                           

 Alex: So, when are you leaving?                                           

                                                                            

 John: Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the client in India and you  know, I will be getting a chance to fly Air-India. Sort of dream come true.                                                                     

                                                                            

 Alex: How long are you going to stay in India!                    

                                                                           

 John: What do you mean by how long? I will be settled in India, my  company has promised me that they will process my Hara Patta ..(green card)                                                                     

                                                                            

 Alex: Really, lucky person man, it is very difficult to get a Hara Patta in India .                                                                

                                                                           

 John: Yeah, that's why, I am planning to marry an Indian girl there.      

                                                                           

 Alex: But you can find lots of US girls in Hyderabad , Bangalore and Mumbai.                                                                    

                                                                           

 John: But, I prefer Indian girls because they are beautiful and cultured. 

                                                                            

 Alex: Where did you get the offer, Hyderabad?                             

                                                                           

 John: Yeah, salary is good there, but cost of living is quite high, it is   Rs. 2000/- for a single room accommodation.                               

                                                                           

 Alex: I see, that's too much for US people, Rs.1/- =$100/-. Oh God! What  

 about in Bangalore, Mumbai?                                                

                                                                           

 John: No idea, but it is less than what we have in Hyderabad. It is like    the world headquarters of software                                         

                                                                           

 Alex: I heard, almost all the Indians are having one personal Robot for   

 help.                                                                     

                                                                            

 John: You can get a BMW car for Rs. 5000/-, and a personal Robot for less   than Rs.7500/-. But my dream is to purchase Ambassador, which costs Rs.2,00,000/- but has got a lovely design.                                    

                                                                           

 Alex: By the way, who is your client?                                     

                                                                            

 John: Subbarao and Apparao Associates, a pure Indian company, specialising  in Embedded Software.                                                     

                                                                           

 Alex: Oh, really, lucky to work in a pure Indian company. They are really 

 intelligent and unlike American Bodyshoppers who have opened their        

 Fly-by-night outfits in India . Indian companies pay you in full even when

 you are on bench.                                                          

                                                                           

 My friend Paul Allen, it seems, used his bench time to visit Bihar, the   

 most livable place in India , probably world. There you have full freedom

 and no restrictions. You can do whatever you want!

 I wonder how that state has perfected that system.             

 John: Yeah man! you are right. I hope our America also follows their      footsteps.                                                                

                                                                           

 Alex: How are you going to cope with their language?                      

                                                                           

 John: Why not? From my school days I have been learning Hindi as my first language here at New York. At the Consulate they tested my proficiency in  Hindi and were quite impressed by my cent per cent score in TOHIL i.e.      Test of Hindi as International Language.                                                                                                               

 Alex: So, you are going to have fun there.                                

                                                                           

 John: Yeah, I will be travelling in the world's fastest train, world's      largest theme park, and the famous Bollywood where you can see actors       like, Hrithik, Shah Rukh Khan and all. Esselworld is also near Bollywood. 

                                                                           

 Alex: You know, the PM is scheduled to visit US next year, he may then    

 relax the number of visas.                                                

                                                                           

 John: That's true. Last month, Narayana Murthy visited White House and      donated Rs. 2000/- for infrastructure development at aSiliconValleyand has  promised more if we follow the model of High-                               Tech City of Bangalore . Bill Gates also got a chance of meeting him. Very  lucky person.                                                              

                                                                           

 Alex: But, Indian government is planning to split Narayanamurthy's        

 Infosys.                                                                   

                                                                           

 John: He is a hard worker man; he can build any number of Infosys like      this. Every minute he is getting Rs. 1000/-. It seems, if you keep all his  money converted as Rs. 100/- notes you can reach Pluto.                   

                                                                           

 Alex: OK, Good Luck John.                                                 

                                                                            

 John: Same to you Alex. And don't go to Consulate in a "Kurta Pyjama"       because they will think you are too Indianised and may doubt you will       never come back and hence your Non-Immigrant Visa may get rejected. But     don't forget to say " Namaste, aap kaise hai " to the Visa officer at       Window 5. It seems he likes that and will not give you a visa if you don't

 greet him that way.      

Disorder in the Court !!!

These are from a book called “Disorder in the American Courts”
, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : She had three children, right?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : How many were boys?
WITNESS : None.
ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?
WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS : By death.
ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS : Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS : Guess.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS : Oral.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS : I forget.
ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS : He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you?
WITNESS : My name is Susan!
_____________________________________________
— And the best for last: —

ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS  : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY : I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Funny Messages & Directions

Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a London conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a London Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Outside a London second-hand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.

WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in a field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)

People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with

their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the

world :

At a Budapest zoo:

PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome:

SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES

Hotel, Acapulco:

THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE

In a Nairobi restaurant:

CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER

In a City restaurant:

OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO

In a Calcutta Coffee House:

PEOPLE DISCARDING CIGARETTE STUBS IN CUPS WILL BE SERVED COFFEE IN ASH TRAYS