Friday, February 18, 2011

INR 1 Rs = USD $ 100 (2050 A.D.)

 Year : 2050                                                                
                                                                           
 Place : IBM , USA   

(Two Americans talking)                                                   
                                                                           
 Currency Conversion Rate : INR 1 Rs = USD $ 100                            
                                                                           
 Alex: Hi John, you didn't come yesterday to office?                       
                                                                            
 John: Yeah, I was in Indian Embassy for stamping.                         
                                                                           
 Alex: Oh really, what happened, I heard that nowadays it has become very strict.                                                                    
                                                                           
 John: Yeah, but I managed to get it.                                      
                                                                            
 Alex: How long it took to get it stamped?                                 
                                                                           
 John: Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. Bill Gates was standing in front    of me and they played with him like anything. That's why it got delayed. I  went there at 2 AM itself and waited and returned by 4 PM .               
                                                                           
 Alex: Really? In India , it is a matter of an hour to get stamped for USA 
                                                                           
 John: Yeah, but that is because who in India will be interested in coming   to USA man, their economy has been booming.                                
                                                                           
 Alex: So, when are you leaving?                                           
                                                                            
 John: Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the client in India and you  know, I will be getting a chance to fly Air-India. Sort of dream come true.                                                                     
                                                                            
 Alex: How long are you going to stay in India!                    
                                                                           
 John: What do you mean by how long? I will be settled in India, my  company has promised me that they will process my Hara Patta ..(green card)                                                                     
                                                                            
 Alex: Really, lucky person man, it is very difficult to get a Hara Patta in India .                                                                
                                                                           
 John: Yeah, that's why, I am planning to marry an Indian girl there.      
                                                                           
 Alex: But you can find lots of US girls in Hyderabad , Bangalore and Mumbai.                                                                    
                                                                           
 John: But, I prefer Indian girls because they are beautiful and cultured. 
                                                                            
 Alex: Where did you get the offer, Hyderabad?                             
                                                                           
 John: Yeah, salary is good there, but cost of living is quite high, it is   Rs. 2000/- for a single room accommodation.                               
                                                                           
 Alex: I see, that's too much for US people, Rs.1/- =$100/-. Oh God! What  
 about in Bangalore, Mumbai?                                                
                                                                           
 John: No idea, but it is less than what we have in Hyderabad. It is like    the world headquarters of software                                         
                                                                           
 Alex: I heard, almost all the Indians are having one personal Robot for   
 help.                                                                     
                                                                            
 John: You can get a BMW car for Rs. 5000/-, and a personal Robot for less   than Rs.7500/-. But my dream is to purchase Ambassador, which costs Rs.2,00,000/- but has got a lovely design.                                    
                                                                           
 Alex: By the way, who is your client?                                     
                                                                            
 John: Subbarao and Apparao Associates, a pure Indian company, specialising  in Embedded Software.                                                     
                                                                           
 Alex: Oh, really, lucky to work in a pure Indian company. They are really 
 intelligent and unlike American Bodyshoppers who have opened their        
 Fly-by-night outfits in India . Indian companies pay you in full even when
 you are on bench.                                                          
                                                                           
 My friend Paul Allen, it seems, used his bench time to visit Bihar, the   
 most livable place in India , probably world. There you have full freedom
 and no restrictions. You can do whatever you want!
 I wonder how that state has perfected that system.             
 John: Yeah man! you are right. I hope our America also follows their      footsteps.                                                                
                                                                           
 Alex: How are you going to cope with their language?                      
                                                                           
 John: Why not? From my school days I have been learning Hindi as my first language here at New York. At the Consulate they tested my proficiency in  Hindi and were quite impressed by my cent per cent score in TOHIL i.e.      Test of Hindi as International Language.                                                                                                               
 Alex: So, you are going to have fun there.                                
                                                                           
 John: Yeah, I will be travelling in the world's fastest train, world's      largest theme park, and the famous Bollywood where you can see actors       like, Hrithik, Shah Rukh Khan and all. Esselworld is also near Bollywood. 
                                                                           
 Alex: You know, the PM is scheduled to visit US next year, he may then    
 relax the number of visas.                                                
                                                                           
 John: That's true. Last month, Narayana Murthy visited White House and      donated Rs. 2000/- for infrastructure development at aSiliconValleyand has  promised more if we follow the model of High-                               Tech City of Bangalore . Bill Gates also got a chance of meeting him. Very  lucky person.                                                              
                                                                           
 Alex: But, Indian government is planning to split Narayanamurthy's        
 Infosys.                                                                   
                                                                           
 John: He is a hard worker man; he can build any number of Infosys like      this. Every minute he is getting Rs. 1000/-. It seems, if you keep all his  money converted as Rs. 100/- notes you can reach Pluto.                   
                                                                           
 Alex: OK, Good Luck John.                                                 
                                                                            
 John: Same to you Alex. And don't go to Consulate in a "Kurta Pyjama"       because they will think you are too Indianised and may doubt you will       never come back and hence your Non-Immigrant Visa may get rejected. But     don't forget to say " Namaste, aap kaise hai " to the Visa officer at       Window 5. It seems he likes that and will not give you a visa if you don't
 greet him that way.      

Disorder in the Court !!!

These are from a book called “Disorder in the American Courts
, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : She had three children, right?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : How many were boys?
WITNESS : None.
ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?
WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS : By death.
ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS : Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS : Guess.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS : Oral.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS : I forget.
ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY : What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS : He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you?
WITNESS : My name is Susan!
_____________________________________________
— And the best for last: —

ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS  : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY : I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Funny Messages & Directions

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Outside a London second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)
People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with
their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the
world :
At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES
Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO
In a Calcutta Coffee House:
PEOPLE DISCARDING CIGARETTE STUBS IN CUPS WILL BE SERVED COFFEE IN ASH TRAYS

Sardar is Back…

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar: Wow!!! That’s an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White

Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- “1 Miss Call”.

Judge: Don’t U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don’t U have shame?

Question: “Should Women have Children after 35?”
Smart Sardar Replied: “No!
35 Children R More than Enough!!”

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not
APPLE.

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay … While its landing he
shouted: ” Bombay … Bombay ”
Air hostess said: “B silent.”
Sardar: “Ok. Ombay. Ombay”

Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:
“I MISS YOU”
Sar d arji replied:
“I Mr YOU” !!.

Son: papa, 4+3 kithne hai?
Sardar: ullu ke patthe gadhe idiot naalaayak besharam tujhe kuch
nahi aathaa? Jaa andhar se CALCULATOR le ke Aa..

After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st
Patient’s Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch &
Finallly Said:
“Torch is okay”

Sardar1: Oye, what will happen if electricity is not discovered?
Sardar2: Nothing, we must watch TV in candle light.

Teacher: “What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI
and BUDHA?”
Sardar: “All are born on government holidays…!!!

Interviewer: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewer : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGH-SCHOOL with DIFFICULTY…..

Kon banega crorpathy
Amitab : In which state does Kabery flow?
Sardar : liquid state…..
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS……..

Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says ‘Johny Walker single’
Man on his left says ‘Peter Scotch single’
Sardar says - ‘Baljith Singh Married’

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k……..but??
how much is DRIVING salary…?

Sardar’s theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES…NO…YES…NO….YES…NO…

Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend ‘ u said we will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office….

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy..
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written…BC 1760!!!….

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating…….

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay ‘FRIEND’, but in the
exam the essay which came was ‘FATHER’ . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>
it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

Just Curious :

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new..?

 Why are they called Apartments when they are all stuck together..?

 How come price and worth mean the same thing but…..priceless and worthless are opposites.?

 Isn’t it strange that a physician has nothing to do with physics…

 Isn’t it strange that a radiologists has nothing to do with radios..

 Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called shipment…..but when you transport something by ship its called cargo.

 If humans evolved from monkeys and apes then why do we still have monkeys and apes?

 Its amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday, always just exaclty fits the newspaper.

 Don’t worry if someone tells you that the world is going to end today,….its already tomorrow in Australia.

 Having one child makes you a parent, having two makes you a referee.

 Smoking makes you loose weight one lung at a time.

Upcoming Telugu Block Busters

1) IT Rajyam!!

2) Offshore lo puli - Onsite lo pilli

3) Intlo baava - Office lo Java,

4) Job vachindhi kaani…..!

5) Fire aina Mogudu - Job vachhina pellam

6) Priyudu nerpina PASCAL,

7) Job ochina kothalo….!

8) Project dorakani Papa,

9) Company pettalani  vundhi..!

10) Iddaru programmerla muddula tester

11) Job-e-naa pranam!,

12)Oracle dada-DBMS!,

13) Toli project…!

14) Yevandi mailochindi,

15) Project kosam,

16) Coding Ramudu

17) A Company aithe naakenti..!?,

18) Aaruguru programmerlu!!!,

9)Pandanti Project!

20) COBOL kaatesindi,

21) Programmer malli puttadu..!,

22) Sri SAP Swamy Mahatyam…!!,

23) Pellam PM aithe!!?,

24) …Nee Password Naaku Telusu !

25) Amma,Nanna,O'software engineer!!

26) Srivaariki Oka E-Mail,

27) Review cheddam raa,

28) Naakuuu…Project kaavaali..!

29) …Sorry… naaku already job vundi,

30) Testing ante ideraa